Author: Sade “eDas The Soul Star” Stunstle, Editor In Chief

My husband and I have a podcast called Virquarius Life.  It was created for those interested in finding true love and as an outlet to share our experiences.  Our ultimate goal is to help others and we hope to do that in every avenue available to us.  I hope you enjoy this article and that it helps you in some way.  Each of these steps has been discussed in previous episodes (currently on a break).  We’ll definitely keep this topic in rotation on future episodes.  After all, it’s why we’re here.  

Step #1: Work on Yourself (Self Love) 

You’ve heard that self-love is the best love.  It’s true.  You’ve probably also heard that you can’t truly love another unless you love yourself.  These are both true statements.  I know because this is what I’ve experienced.  I’ve gone a long time not loving myself and I had no idea that I was neglecting myself.  So, if you’re not loving yourself right, you’ve got to start there.  How can you know what to expect from a potential partner if you don’t treat yourself right?  Find out who you really are and what makes you happy.  Self-care is a good place to start.  Our physical and mental health should be our number one priority.  Consider what you’re putting inside your body as far as how well you nourish yourself.  Also, physical activity is a must for so many good reasons.  Meditation and setting boundaries are a good start to improving your mental health.   I could go on, but I’ll stop here on this point.

Step #2: Make a decision

While working on yourself, it should be a bit easier for you to make a decision on what it is you actually want in your romantic life.  I can recall in my single days that there would be times where I wanted a relationship and then there were times that I was happy being single.  I had to look at why I was so wishy-washy in that sense.  I realized that it had a lot to do with looking at other people’s relationships.  We’ve got to be careful with that because, for one, we’re not all the same.  We don’t all see the world the same way.  So, it’s okay to look at other relationships for an idea as to what could be possible, but it should not be seen as any standard.  When you meet the one for you, your dynamic will be unique.  The other reason for my confusion is that I was also treated harshly in previous relationships, causing me to be afraid to open myself up to the idea of love.  Eventually, I had grown tired of dating with no purpose.  I wanted to be married and have a family and none of the men I was dating had that plan.  So I chose to move around and do me for a while.  I made a decision one day that I would find my husband because I was ready to be a wife.  There was no turning back.

Step #3: Be Intentional 

Once you’ve decided that you want a committed relationship, then you’ve got to be intentional.  As a spiritual person, I believe it’s important to connect often with the Most High and I choose to do that through Meditation and Gratitude.  This will keep you calm, centered, and gracious.  These are all positive attributes needed to create the life you want.  This brings us to manifestation.  Christians believe where it says, “Speak those things that are not as though they were.”  Something like that.  Others believe you can manifest what you desire by declaring it and writing it down on a consistent basis.  I believe this is all the same.  I believe the Most High gave us all the power to manifest the things that we want.  So, speak that committed relationship into existence and believe it so!  And don’t ever give up on believing.  

Step #4: Do what you ENJOY!

This is one of my favorite steps because I met my husband doing exactly this! A friend who had assisted me with my podcast asked for my help on his new show. I gladly accepted and met my husband through him. We didn’t hit it off at first, but after working together a few months and having several conversations, the rest is history. Another story similar to ours is how Judge Faith Jenkins met her husband, Kenny Lattimore. I recall her Breakfast Club Interview where she stated that she randomly decided to follow her passion for music. The producer that she’d worked with introduced her to Kenny Lattimore and they’ve been inseparable since. Love is a beautiful thing, but it’s even better when you fall in love with someone who shares something as wonderful as an artistic passion.  And I know everyone’s not artistic. But if your passion is helping others, try giving back to charities. In doing what you love, you are bound to meet some good people you may need in your life. 

Step #5: Be Open to Love.

I see a lot of negativity on social media from single people and it can become a bit much after some time.  1. It’s a waste of your precious time.  2. It becomes annoying to people who follow you.  These people end up having this impenetrable wall and they are just stuck.  Going back to the power in what we speak over our lives…be careful.  Being open to love is so important because just by saying over and over that love will not happen for you, that’s what you should expect.  But actually believing that you are worthy of love changes the game.  You’ll then begin to desire it more and be open to meeting new people.  So go on honey! Take a chance!